When someone comes in for
counseling it is usually motivated out of a sense of hopelessness. Their
hopelessness is generally caused by a combination of biological, psychological,
social, spiritual, and environmental issues that surface as a maladaptive
behavior or cognitive distortion. When these individuals turn to people for
help in solving their issue (behavior or thought pattern) they are often given
a solution that does not address the complexity of the person and usually
begins with a statement that says just do or stop doing whatever you are doing
that causes the problem. While stopping
the inappropriate behavior or thought pattern would help get rid of the symptom
of the issue, but it does not address the heart of the matter or the complexity
of the individual that has been scarred from their complex issue. Simply
addressing the behavior or thoughts of someone does not offer real hope or
display the grace that God has given to all of us.
PURPOSE
Our purpose in introducing this
class on complex issues is to equip the church in better understanding the
components that make up a complex issue so that believers can respond to each
other in grace and offer hope that builds each other up for the glory of God.
One element of biblical counseling that differs from secular or a humanistic
view of counseling is that we seek to not merely help someone feel better about
themselves or to minimize the symptoms of the problem that they are
experiencing. The motive for us to offer truth in love to a hurting person is
to help lead them to the dependence on God through their suffering. As they
mature and God brings them through their suffering that they are than to give
back to the body and help others find hope through the grace of God. Our motive
is lastly focused on the individual and mostly focused on glorifying God and
ministering to others.
If we desire to respond to people
in grace and go beyond focusing simply on the symptom of the problem we must be
patient and approach the individual with love and a listening ear. Before we
can offer any advice or counsel we must get to intimately know this complex
individual created by God and in his image. It is very easy to quickly jump to
a conclusion on a matter of symptoms that we see someone displaying rather than
taking the time to get to the root of the matter. We prejudge and conclude the
matter much too early and often can end up causing more pain to the individual
than good. In order to help people through these complex issues we must
understand what things look like from their perspective and then help direct
them to understand their suffering through the perspective of God’s Word and
the community of the church.
A LESSON FROM A DONKEY
Paul reminds the believers in
Corinth that they cannot know the mind of a man therefore we must inquire into
their mind through gracious investigative questions and active listening ears
of patience. The story of Balaam’s donkey adds great insight to the potential
damage and shortsighted approach an individual can have when going through a
complex issue. In Numbers 22:22-35 we
find Balaam taking a journey that God does not desire him to take. As Balaam
continues on his journey, with his faithful and noble steed, the donkey begins
to behave in a way that causes Balaam to become angry. He responds by beating the donkey. This
occurs three times causing the donkey to finally drop down in the road and
refuse to move. Balaam continues every
time to respond by beating his donkey senseless. What takes place next has to
be one of the most weird and confusing things any one has every experienced.
“When the donkey saw the angel of the LORD, she lay down under Balaam. And
Balaam's anger was kindled, and he struck the donkey with his staff. Then the
LORD opened the mouth of the donkey, and she said to Balaam, “What have I done
to you, that you have struck me these three times?” And Balaam said to the
donkey, “Because you have made a fool of me. I wish I had a sword in my hand,
for then I would kill you.” And the donkey said to Balaam, “Am I not your
donkey, on which you have ridden all your life long to this day? Is it my habit
to treat you this way?” And he said, “No.”(Numbers 22:27-30 ESV).
Balaam does not even appear to have
been stunned by the fact that his donkey is speaking to him. At times when we
are in a rage or going through an issue we are not so aware of potential clues
that God may be giving us. The donkey was trying to communicate something to
Balaam every time she steered him off of the path, but Balaam was not
interested in trying to understand what was happening. Instead he was simply
attempting to accomplish the goal he had already set out to do. Counselors and
people who are honestly seeking to help someone can often respond to the person
going through suffering in the same way Balaam is responding to the donkey.
Rather than listen to what they are saying they beat the person senseless with
verses and principles that usually begin with “just do this” statements and do
not take the time to try to understand why the person is continuing in this
self-destructive behavior or thought patterns.
Balaam is so outraged with the donkey that he even talks about killing
the donkey if he had a sword. Here we see Balaam reacting to the situation
emotionally and allowing his emotions to control himself. As a believer we do
not want to allow our emotions to overpower the Spirits voice in our lives. A
reaction is simply driven by emotion while a response is guided through the
patient listening to the Spirit’s direction and choosing to respond in a means
that glorifies God and does not accomplish our self-serving desires or a false
sense of righteousness.
God chooses to open
Balaam’s eyes and let him see that the reason his donkey kept running off of the
path was because there was an angel with a flaming sword waiting to strike
Balaam down. When God chose to reveal this to Balaam his response is immediate
repentance and a change of heart to respond in a way that glorifies God rather
than responding in a way that is self-serving. It is interesting that God’s
grace to Balaam was extended multiple times. Balaam had a number of
opportunities to change his heart and actions, but it took a patient donkey and
a gracious God to finally help Balaam see the faulty thinking and behavior that
he was choosing to enslave himself with. This should provide direction and hope
for those who are seeking to help individuals suffer through their complex
issues. If God was able to use a donkey then he can definitely use you! We also
note that it was not through the donkey’s ability that he was successful, but
rather it was when God opened the donkey’s mouth and Balaam’s eyes that
progress was made. This is evidence once again that God is the means and the
solution to meeting our problems. His means is through grace and his solution
is hope in God’s promises and faithfulness to us.
SIMPLISTIC OR SIMPLE
Perhaps that sounds a little
simplistic for the issue you are going through. While the truth can appear
simplistic I guarantee that it is not. The truth is simple yes, but not
simplistic. The difference is that simplistic implies a lack of effort to
accomplishing the end result. Our hope was not accomplished simplistically it
was through the humbling and suffering of God’s Son on the cross that grace was
made available to the world (John 3:16). He bore our sins as they were nailed
to his hands on that cross (Col. 2:14). It was by his stripes we have been
healed (Is. 53). That is not simplistic. He chooses to bear the pain and
punishment of our sins so that we would not have to. He dealt with the
complexity of our problem, our position as sinners in the presence of a holy
God, so that He could offer a simple means to resolve the complex issues we
face. A simple truth that requires child
like faith and brings with it the power to fill a void in our lives that no
person, technique, or object could ever fill. That is Grace. That is the doing
of God. That is putting our suffering in
perspective to his suffering and ability to save us.
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