Anger plagues everyone and there is probably no day that
goes by with out its imprint. What’s even worse than being angry is being
around people who are angry. Rarely does an angry person realize that they are
angry. Bitterness and rage seems to lie in their heart and they quickly bite
back with venomous words. Perhaps anger has invaded your home and you live day
in and day out with a constant unrest and environment of tension because of an
angry spouse or child. What exactly is this anger and where did it come from?
Is all anger sinful?
Anger is defined by Powilson (2000) and Tautges (2011) as an
emotional response to the moral interpretation of an action. Anger must than be
provoked. Sin provokes the anger and wrath of God. Much like we see in God’s
response to the Israelites in the wilderness (Ex. 32:7-10 & Num. 14:11-12)
or at the temple in Jerusalem (Matt. 21:12). Anger is frequently identified
with expressive adjectives similar to those we read about in the above listed
passages. However every from of anger is not always outwardly expressive. God
and man can display a more concealing form of Anger.
Sin causes separation between people and God. There is the
wrath of God that comes down on those who sin, but there is also this sense of
withdraw from God that we experience because of sin. Sin disrupted the intimacy
that Adam and Eve experienced in the garden with God (Gen. 3:8). Sin not only
disrupted our relationship with God it also tainted every relationship we participate
in today. Because of sin man is left helpless on his own to achieve the
intimacy he was created to experience. According to Dr. Gary Collins the
distortion of our relationships creates conflict in our very inner bean, which
is the source of all relational conflicts. This inner relational turmoil is the
construct for man conveying a distorted view of anger.
Anger is an emotion
of God that He displays in both expressive and passive means. Righteous anger is
the only right response to the ugliness of sin. Anger is intended to be a
beautiful thing. However, as discussed earlier sin has distorted our ability to
respond in anger righteously. Believer’s moral ability to interpret an action
done to them has been compromised and therefore we generally misjudged the
action and also inappropriately respond to it. As fallen creatures our sense of
righteousness is stained and would more accurately be described as
self-righteousness than Godliness. We become angry not because of what is done
against God, but rather because we feel and believe we have been wronged
against.
Self-righteous anger
is ultimately an expression of discontentment with God. Some individuals would
choose to directly confront God with their anger while the majority of us
probably choose to take it out on each other and his creation. There are
multiple examples of God’s people becoming angry with their leaders.
Then all the elders of Israel
gathered together and came to Samuel at Ramah and said to him, “Behold, you are
old and your sons do not walk in your ways. Now appoint for us a king to judge
us like all the nations.” But the thing displeased Samuel when they said, “Give
us a king to judge us.” And Samuel prayed to the LORD. And the LORD said to
Samuel, “Obey the voice of the people in all that they say to you, for they
have not rejected you, but they have rejected me from being king over them.
According to all the deeds that they have done, from the day I brought them up
out of Egypt even to this day, forsaking me and serving other gods, so they are
also doing to you.
(1 Samuel 8:3-8 ESV)
We see a similar situation in Numbers 14 when the Israelites
rebel against Moses and Aaron after the spies comes back with their report
about Jericho. It even gets to the point that the people are preparing to stone
them. God chooses to intervene and teach the people a lesson. God did not view
the people’s anger primarily being directed toward Moses or the spies. Their
anger was against God, even if they appeared to be expressing it toward others.
And the LORD said to Moses, “How long will this people despise me? And how long will they not believe in me, in spite of all the signs that I have done among
them? (Numbers 14:11 ESV) Both of these illustrations convey the truth that
self-righteous anger is primarily an act of anger against God and not the
people who are attempting to do his work (Estates, 2009). When we respond in
anger we are sinning against God foremost and secondly against each other.
If I am not to respond to people in anger what do I do with
this explosive emotion? Psalm 4 and Ephesians 4 tells believers to be angry and
sin not. David deals with his anger in a God honoring way by not confronting
the individual while he is angry. He chooses to reflect on himself and take a
considerable amount of time to address his anger before God first. David goes
so far as to sleep on it and is silent rather than risk responding with a
self-righteous anger. It is a good habit to be slow to anger and slow to speak
when working through a conflict (James 1:19-21 & Proverbs 14:29 ESV). David
finds peace in his anger because he chooses to give it over to God and trust
Him to be the righteous judge. David was a man who had many worldly reasons to
be angry and not experience peace.
However, he concludes the Psalm with much joy and peace. You have put
more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound. In peace
I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.
(Psalm 4:7-8 ESV) It is out of this context in Psalm 4 that Paul teaches on
anger in the New Testament.
Paul commands believers to not allow the sun to
go down on their anger (Eph. 4:25-27). Anger naturally wants to stick with us. As fallen creatures we enjoy
wallowing in our bitterness and allowing our rage to grow. It frequently can
produce a false sense of power and control that can lead others to fear us.
That is why it is so critical to not allow anger to reside in us for long.
God’s anger never sticks with him (Ps. 103:12). As he experiences the emotion
of anger he releases it by making the relationship right through a form of
judgment or discipline. Not letting the sun go down on your anger does not mean
you have to contact every one that you were angry at during the day before you
can go to sleep. Just like Ps. 4 and the other previous passages, anger is to
be addressed primarily between you and God and than others.
Some counselors have recommended that this verse be applied
with couples that are angry at each other. They may encourage couples to not go
to sleep until they have worked everything out with each other (Lane &
Winston 2011). This would most likely just lead to the couple becoming more
angry as they grow tired and more prone to having a short fuse. The couple
should first take their anger to God and trust him to work things out. Perhaps
a little bit of time would be good to allow dissonance from the act that
created the emotion. When their hearts are in the right place, and they are
preferably rested up, they can begin the reconciliation process. This does not
condone couples that desire to give each other the silent treatment. Choosing
to remain quiet or avoidant because of your anger is not seeking resolution,
but simply displaying a passive aggressive form of anger. The most important
component of resolving your anger without sinning is to take it before the Lord
quickly and entrust him with the situation.
It is easy to still get stuck on being angry because someone
else was clearly in the wrong. Peter encourages us to not hold tightly to the
means of caring out our own sense of justice.
For this is a gracious thing,
when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly. For what
credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when
you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight
of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you,
leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps.
(1 Peter 2:19-21 ESV)
We are not simply to endure suffering when we deserve it,
but also when it is wrongly given. We can trust God to properly oversee our
situations because He is the only person who can justly carry it out without
sinning.
When he was reviled, he did not
revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued
entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his
body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his
wounds you have been healed. (1 Peter 2:23-24 ESV)
It is not our responsibilities as individuals to carry out
justice by our own means. God has placed certain authority figures and
discipline policies in our society as-well-as churches to rule over injustice.
It is appropriate to utilize these resources and to incorporate them when
necessary. Nevertheless, this is always done not in spite toward the individual
or situation, but for the overall well being of both parties.
God can use you to help direct an angry person to Himself
rather than others. As you put into practice the principles we have talked
about you begin a process of redirecting the angry person away from the
situation and toward God. The way you respond to them in the moment of rage is
critical. A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs
15:1 ESV). By keeping your cool and surrendering the situation over to God you
display a new form of strength in the face of anger. You communicate that you
are not afraid of the angry person nor are you afraid of what they may attempt
to do to you because you have nothing to loose and you are trusting God.
For
us, this path begins as we hold loosely to our desires. For example, most of us
want something from the angry person – love and respect are high on that list.
There is nothing wrong with wanting love and respect, but you would do best to
shoot them yourself before the other person does. You will find that you won’t
die. Instead, as you put to death the things that you want from the angry
person, you will notice—perhaps for the first time—a hint of freedom and even
boldness. When you have nothing to lose you can perform some unusual feats of
strength.
Think
about it. The angry person is screaming about how you are such an idiotic jerk,
and if you aren’t as concerned with pleasing people or bolstering your own
reputation, you can respond with something other than anger or fear. If
the angry person’s pleasure or your own reputation is critical to you, you will
be controlled by the angry person. So kill these before the other person shoots.
The result is that there is nothing left to shoot, and you are free to speak
from a place of weakness and say something like:
“Could you help me to see how I am an idiotic jerk – I
will listen to you if you want to talk about it.” (Important note: NO sarcasm).
Ed Welch (2010)
A better understanding of the fear of God over that of man
leads a person to be confidant in responding appropriate. No longer do I filter
my actions and words because of what others think, but rather I am focused on
doing all things to the glory of God (Col. 3:23). In order to do this properly
we must prepare our selves for the confrontation through pray and much
self-reflection.
We explored David’s Psalm and how he prepared himself before
the Lord to avoid sinning in his anger. Being aware of the log in your own eye
is another good principle to apply when you are confronting an angry person
(Matt. 7:5).
But I also want to hate this evil in myself before I hate
it in other people. How? By zeroing in on the more subtle expressions of anger,
such as a critical attitude toward someone, complaining, not wanting another’s
best, jealousy at the level of my imagination, any hint of “I am right and you
are wrong,” sarcasm, or “whatever.” I want to keep asking my wife and at least
one other person if they have seen me frustrated or angry. I want to have no
wiggle room for righteous indignation. By that I mean that since ninety-nine
percent of my anger is sinful, I don’t want to give tacit permission to my
frustration by calling it righteous indignation. If I am angry because of what
was done to another person I am on safer ground. If I am angry because of what
someone did to me, I am always wrong. “Be angry and don’t sin” – forget about
trying to master that one. Don’t let it authorize one blasted scrap of anger.
Ed Welch (2011)
Being
aware of the role anger is playing in your life as well as the reason why you
are beginning to feel the need to confront some one is a good place to be. It
is interesting the Welch makes the statement that it is safer to be angry of
injustice done to others and always dangerous when we are angry about things
done toward us. Remember self-righteous anger, at its core, is finding fault
with God and is truly anger toward Him.
As
believers respond to anger properly they are partaking in the sanctification
process of themselves and others. God commands us to rebuke people when
necessary (Luke 17:3-4), but his is always done in light of the principles
already mentioned. The believer is also commanded to be willing to continually
forgive the individual who is sinning against them or others. This process of
managing ones anger begins to bring the beauty back into the emotion of anger.
I can allow myself to be angry because of the sin that is done against God.
Therefore I can respond in a God honoring way by seeking His glory and
following His truth over my emotions. As we partake in the suffering of Christ
we continue to experience a deeper union and power with Him (Philippians
3:10-11).
The
following are a number of other principles that some one can apply to prevent them
from responding in self-righteous anger. This list has been complied by Paul
Tautges (2011).
Jesus,
the sinless Son of God, did not sin against His disciples when He, in
irritation, rebuked them. His gesture, tone of voice, or shortness of speech,
though revealing His anger, did not violate the law of love which now governs
us (Jn. 13:34). Therefore, I
must begin to renew my mind with truths like these:
•
Love for others must triumph over my fear of them or how they
will react to correction (1 Jn. 4:18).
•
Love for others will compel me to pray for them, whether friend
or enemy (Mt. 5:44).
•
Love for others will cause me to react in a way that is helpful
to them, not merely relieving (we often call this ‘venting’) to me (Rom. 13:10; 1 Cor. 8:1).
•
Love for others will cause me not to be easily provoked (1 Cor. 13:5).
•
Love for others will cause me to first think the best of them,
not the worst (1 Cor. 13:7).
Love for others will “cover a multitude of sins”
(1 Pet. 4:8) and,
therefore, will stop my anger from becoming a state of irritability.
References
Estates, Steve (2009) Anger within Church Leadership. CCEF
Lane, Time & Smith,
Winston (2011) Can You be Addicted To Anger. CCEF
Powlison, David (2000) Anger:
Escaping the Maze. P& R Publishing
Tautges, Paul (2011) The Emotional
Life of Jesus: Part Four – The Anger of Jesus. BCC
Tautges, Paul (2001) The
Emotional Life of Jesus: Part five- Anger Lite. BCC
Welch, Ed (2010) How to
Disarm An Angry Person. CCEF
Welch Ed (2011) The Angry
Person: Always the Last To Know. CCEF
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