Biblical Intimacy in Marriage

My apologies, for not putting any new post up recently. I have been working on getting a lot of internship hours covered in order to be able to graduate this August. I have decided to put a couple of articles that I have already typed on the post to prep some of the topics we have already covered in class since the last post I did on Anger. This article is going to prep the discussion about sex. I thought it would be a good idea to put sexual intimacy in it’s proper perspective to build the foundation for why the discussion about teens and sex is such a critical topic for society and especially those who seek to follow the Bibles guidance on the topic. There is no surprise that the Bible talks a great deal about sex, considering God created it. I hope the next few blogs are beneficial to the discussion.

Intimacy in this article is not simply defined as sex. Intimacy is the very personal and closeness that a couple can experience together in the covenant of marriage by the power of God. Intimacy is intended to cover every facet of our beings. Through intimacy we are engaged both in mind, body, and spirit. Intimacy is a state of being not simply an act. It is a living relationship that has ups and downs and requires daily attention. I hope these concepts will help you better understand the direction of this paper and the fact that marriage and intimacy is much more than sex. Sex is only the tip of the iceberg to a relationship that is rooted in God honoring intimacy, called oneness.

A Basic Model For Building Intimacy in Marriage

                 What does intimacy mean to you? The way in which that question is answered will most likely be largely dependent on your gender bias. However, God did not leave the definition of intimacy up for debate. God’s design and goal for intimacy in marriage is clearly seen through out the Scriptures. When sin entered the world, intimacy became impossible. Nevertheless, God’s plan was still in action as He displayed the ultimate act of true intimacy. Through salvation God has offered the means for intimacy to be accomplished in marriage. God is the Creator and Sustainer of intimacy and is able to provide the capacity for a couple to engage and become unified at a deeper level than simply physical or emotional pleasure. 

  

The Model of Intimacy in Marriage

Made in His Image

In order to understand a biblical model of intimacy, one must begin by understanding the participants joining in intimacy. Mankind is a created being that is separated from all other creations of God. “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness” (Gen. 1:26). Being made in the image of God affects who we are and how we relate to God and our environment. The image of God is seen through the moralistic nature of man, his intellect, and spirit (Adams, 1979). God created us and equipped us for a purpose. Mankind is to look like God, not in a materialist fashion, but in a moralistic means that is practically set before us in the person of Christ Jesus (Adams, 1979). He was created in the image of God to reflect who God is. God is most clearly seen and understood through the means of a relationship.

            Relationships are likewise at the core of who God is. Each person of God is found present at the creation of the world (Is. 45:12)(John 1: 1-3)(Gen. 1:2). The relational characteristic of God’s image is moreover transferred to mankind (Crabb, 1992). In the first chapter of the Bible, one can find three clear examples of the relational characteristics found in man. Adam was to have dominion over creation (Gen. 1:26), to interact with one another (Gen. 1:27), and submit to God (Gen. 1-3). When God created Adam He recognized Adam’s basic need for relationship with a compatible partner (Gen. 2:18). So God created a woman, a helpmate, from Adam’s own flesh (Gen. 2:23). By being created in God’s image mankind has the ability and opportunity to engage in the act of intimacy. The deepest level of intimacy shared between mankind in a relationship is found in marriage.

Respect and Love

            The relational roles of intimacy within marriage are characterized differently for the husband and wife. The husband is called to love his wife and the wife is called to respect her husband (Eph. 5:33). These roles are not simple suggestions, but commands from Scripture for married couples. Dr. Eggerichs (2004) puts so much weight into this concept that he claims every marital problem finds its root in the connection between love and respect. These roles are not to put one partner in a superior position (Eph. 5:21) to the other, but simply another way God has brought order (Eph. 4:3) to His creation and has chosen to display HIs image (Eph. 5:1-2). “Love and submission are complementary characteristics of people growing in conformity to Jesus Christ” (Pursley & Puls, 2008). Through the constructs of marriage God has made it possible for two uniquely different people to come together and experience a relationship of oneness.

Two Made One

            Oneness in marriage is not a new concept. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). Oneness becomes the goal for marriage (Crabb, 1992). The couple that seeks oneness in their relationship does not and cannot achieve it on their own. Oneness is only accomplished when God brings two people together in marriage (Mark 10:9). Therefore, intimacy between a husband and wife can only achieve oneness when they are intimately involved with who God is. “Couples need to know God before they can live for God. They need to know God’s plan for marriage before they can follow it” (Pursley & Puls, 2008). Before sin entered the world nothings stood between God and man as well as achieving oneness in marriage. Because of the fall of man the relationship with God has been destroyed and intimacy in marriage has become impossible (Gen. 3:22-24).

The Problem of Intimacy in Marriage

Disrupted Relationship

            When sin entered into the world, every relational aspect of mankind became tainted.  The enjoyment of fellowship with God, others, and creation has been loss (Ryrie, 1999). Mankind has been left helpless by his own means and cannot achieve the intimacy he was created to experience. This produces great conflict within himself and is the origin cause for all relational conflicts (Collins, 2001). The inherited sinful nature of mankind resorts to focusing on his needs rather than those of others  (2 Tim. 3:2). This behavior does not reflect the image of God and makes it impossible to be focused on the needs of their partner (Eggerichs, 2004). There is also little comfort to be found from others because they too are marred by sin and cannot attain intimacy.

Distracted Relationship

            One does not have to go far in Scripture to see how quickly a relationship can bring them down.  God laid everything out for Adam and Eve to have the opportunity of experiencing a lasting intimate relationship with each other.

Adam and Eve began their marriage perfectly. Theirs was a case of love at first sight, with no desire for anyone else and no memories of lost loves. God Himself introduced them to each other at their wedding. There were none of the uncertainties of dating and courtship. Their home had no mortgage, no taxes and no utility bills. Their pets were well mannered and there were no obnoxious neighbors (Pursley & Puls, 2008)

They lived in paradise and they could not make it. No matter how ideal the situation may be, the fact is, bringing two people with different backgrounds and expectations cannot end up any better than Adam and Eve did. As the family grows it will only add more distractions and tainted relationships that will add to the evident loss of intimacy. These distractions could come in the form of selfish pleasures or external influences like children (Powlison, 2009). The battle for marital intimacy has been lost on all fronts. Both partners are flawed from the inside out and neither of them can offer hope to the other.

The Solution for Intimacy in Marriage

Becoming Clay

            Hope is not lost. It is only when brokenness occurs within the relationship that intimacy can begin. God was not caught of guard by our situation. He has carefully been conducting the events of history from the beginning (Adams, 1979). God put his only Son on display in front of the world to see the greatest act of intimacy one will ever know. “For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me” (John 6:38). While we were in our reckless and loss state, God showed His love to us and offered us true intimacy (Rom. 5:8). God must break us from the slavery of our sinful nature and turn our eyes to Him the potter. His hand at work in our lives humbles us and prepares us for intimacy. This is the first and crucial step needed to return to a state of intimacy with God and others. As we surrender ourselves to the will of God, He will use the same hand that broke us to restore us.

Engaged in the Furnace

            When we are humbled by the love of God we are than ready to engage in intimacy with others. Intimacy is being occupied here and now with the individual (Powlison, 2009). Powlison goes on to give three basic questions to help couples become engaged. Couples should inquire on what burdens a partner, what brings them joy, and what are their goals or mission. These three questions will help to identify their struggles, interest, and where they intend to be going or wish to go (Powlison, 2009).  For married couple to become engaged with each other, it involves time and communication. Couples need to plan and set apart time for each other because if they do not plan for it, the situation will not happen (Pursley & Puls, 2008). Some couples may need to get away from the distractions in life and find a hotel or resort to spend quality time together (Leman, 2008). If a couple is to survive the fires of distractions in marriage they must be engaged in each other’s life. The more they become engaged in each other the less they will be focused on themselves.

Unified by the Fire

            Unity in a marriage is accomplished through a couple that is engaged with each other. This unity is found through the basic structure God created for marriage to have one-mind and one-flesh union (Pursley & Puls, 2008). Being of one mind and living in harmony with each other creates the safe environment to explore each other physically and develop a truly intimate one-flesh union through the marriage bed (Pursley & Puls, 2008). Sexual intimacy does not come naturally and requires a tremendous amount of sacrifice. The couple must have considerable time to grow in their knowledge of each other’s needs and learn how to serve their partner over themselves (Leman, 2008). This experience is enhanced through each partner fulfilling his or her biblical role in marriage (Eggerichs, 2004). God uses the process of growing in sexual intimacy as the firer that purifies and unifies a marriage bond.

Bound by the Maker

            Marital intimacy does not climax through the sexual experience, but is elevated in blessings and pleasure when the goal and focus is turned back to the Creator. God intended Marriage to be a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church (Eph. 5:32). Through this mystery and ministry marital intimacy is transmitted to a purpose above this earth and carries a message that can affect the hearts of other. “The sexual relationship of husbands and wives should point believers toward a loving and righteous Lord, not repel them from His holy presence. Sex, as all other activities of believers, should be a passionate act of worship” (Lelek, 2010). Each partner must find complete satisfaction and fulfillment in there individual relationship with God before they will be able to give of themselves sacrificially the way God desires them too.  David Powlison (2003) reminds the believer that true intimacy is the act of loving others when they are most unloving.  When God is the source of our love we are able to fulfill our role in loving others unconditionally because our needs are met through Christ. The goal of true intimacy, oneness, is only accomplished through the work of the Godhead as He binds a couple in marriage.

         Intimacy can be redefined and explored through a number of lenses, but only the Scriptures provide the correct lens to understand the model God has established for mankind to experience intimacy. Adam and Eve’s intimate relationship with God was disrupted by sin. Without God directly intervening through Jesus Christ, mankind would have been unable to experience intimacy with one another or God. It is through the vehicle of God’s love that mankind can find true intimacy with each other. For only God can free each partner up to give unconditionally to the other. Intimacy becomes the inner working of God with in our hearts to break them, mold them, and then bind them together with a bond that cannot be broken here on earth.

   

Works Cited

Adams, J. (1979). A theology of christian counseling. Grandrapids, Michigan: Zondervan.

Collins, D. G. (2001). The biblical basis of chrisitians counseling for people helpers. Colorado Springs: Navpress.

Crabb, L. (1992). The marriage builder. Grand Rappids, Michigan: Zondervan.

Eggerichs, E. (2004). Love and respect. Colorado Springs, Colorado: Integrety Publishers.

Lelek, J. (2010). Sexual pleasure: passsionate worship in god's holy temple. Retrieved March 21, 2011, from Chrsitian Counseling : http://www.christiancounseling.com/en/cms/?1669

Leman, K. (2008). Sheet music. Carol Stream, Illinios: Tyndale House Publisher.

Pursley, D., & Puls, G. (2008). The heart of marriage. Clarks Summit, Pennsylvania: Baptist Bible College.

Powlison, D. (2009). Marital intimacy. Retrieved March 31, 2011, from Chrisitan Counseling and Educational Foundation: http://www.ccef.org/marital-intimacy-part-1

Ryrie, C. (1999). Basic theology. Chicago: Moody Press.

Anger: A Beautiful thing Distorted

Anger plagues everyone and there is probably no day that goes by with out its imprint. What’s even worse than being angry is being around people who are angry. Rarely does an angry person realize that they are angry. Bitterness and rage seems to lie in their heart and they quickly bite back with venomous words. Perhaps anger has invaded your home and you live day in and day out with a constant unrest and environment of tension because of an angry spouse or child. What exactly is this anger and where did it come from? Is all anger sinful?

Anger is defined by Powilson (2000) and Tautges (2011) as an emotional response to the moral interpretation of an action. Anger must than be provoked. Sin provokes the anger and wrath of God. Much like we see in God’s response to the Israelites in the wilderness (Ex. 32:7-10 & Num. 14:11-12) or at the temple in Jerusalem (Matt. 21:12). Anger is frequently identified with expressive adjectives similar to those we read about in the above listed passages. However every from of anger is not always outwardly expressive. God and man can display a more concealing form of Anger.

Sin causes separation between people and God. There is the wrath of God that comes down on those who sin, but there is also this sense of withdraw from God that we experience because of sin. Sin disrupted the intimacy that Adam and Eve experienced in the garden with God (Gen. 3:8). Sin not only disrupted our relationship with God it also tainted every relationship we participate in today. Because of sin man is left helpless on his own to achieve the intimacy he was created to experience. According to Dr. Gary Collins the distortion of our relationships creates conflict in our very inner bean, which is the source of all relational conflicts. This inner relational turmoil is the construct for man conveying a distorted view of anger.

 Anger is an emotion of God that He displays in both expressive and passive means. Righteous anger is the only right response to the ugliness of sin. Anger is intended to be a beautiful thing. However, as discussed earlier sin has distorted our ability to respond in anger righteously. Believer’s moral ability to interpret an action done to them has been compromised and therefore we generally misjudged the action and also inappropriately respond to it. As fallen creatures our sense of righteousness is stained and would more accurately be described as self-righteousness than Godliness. We become angry not because of what is done against God, but rather because we feel and believe we have been wronged against.

 Self-righteous anger is ultimately an expression of discontentment with God. Some individuals would choose to directly confront God with their anger while the majority of us probably choose to take it out on each other and his creation. There are multiple examples of God’s people becoming angry with their leaders.

Then all the elders of Israel gathered together and came to Samuel at Ramah and said to him, “Behold, you are old and your sons do not walk in your ways. Now appoint for us a king to judge us like all the nations.” But the thing displeased Samuel when they said, “Give us a king to judge us.” And Samuel prayed to the LORD. And the LORD said to Samuel, “Obey the voice of the people in all that they say to you, for they have not rejected you, but they have rejected me from being king over them. According to all the deeds that they have done, from the day I brought them up out of Egypt even to this day, forsaking me and serving other gods, so they are also doing to you.

(1 Samuel 8:3-8 ESV)

           

We see a similar situation in Numbers 14 when the Israelites rebel against Moses and Aaron after the spies comes back with their report about Jericho. It even gets to the point that the people are preparing to stone them. God chooses to intervene and teach the people a lesson. God did not view the people’s anger primarily being directed toward Moses or the spies. Their anger was against God, even if they appeared to be expressing it toward others. And the LORD said to Moses, “How long will this people despise me? And how long will they not believe in me, in spite of all the signs that I have done among them? (Numbers 14:11 ESV) Both of these illustrations convey the truth that self-righteous anger is primarily an act of anger against God and not the people who are attempting to do his work (Estates, 2009). When we respond in anger we are sinning against God foremost and secondly against each other.

If I am not to respond to people in anger what do I do with this explosive emotion? Psalm 4 and Ephesians 4 tells believers to be angry and sin not. David deals with his anger in a God honoring way by not confronting the individual while he is angry. He chooses to reflect on himself and take a considerable amount of time to address his anger before God first. David goes so far as to sleep on it and is silent rather than risk responding with a self-righteous anger. It is a good habit to be slow to anger and slow to speak when working through a conflict (James 1:19-21 & Proverbs 14:29 ESV). David finds peace in his anger because he chooses to give it over to God and trust Him to be the righteous judge. David was a man who had many worldly reasons to be angry and not experience peace.  However, he concludes the Psalm with much joy and peace. You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound. In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety. (Psalm 4:7-8 ESV) It is out of this context in Psalm 4 that Paul teaches on anger in the New Testament.

 Paul commands believers to not allow the sun to go down on their anger (Eph. 4:25-27). Anger naturally wants to stick with us. As fallen creatures we enjoy wallowing in our bitterness and allowing our rage to grow. It frequently can produce a false sense of power and control that can lead others to fear us. That is why it is so critical to not allow anger to reside in us for long. God’s anger never sticks with him (Ps. 103:12). As he experiences the emotion of anger he releases it by making the relationship right through a form of judgment or discipline. Not letting the sun go down on your anger does not mean you have to contact every one that you were angry at during the day before you can go to sleep. Just like Ps. 4 and the other previous passages, anger is to be addressed primarily between you and God and than others.

Some counselors have recommended that this verse be applied with couples that are angry at each other. They may encourage couples to not go to sleep until they have worked everything out with each other (Lane & Winston 2011). This would most likely just lead to the couple becoming more angry as they grow tired and more prone to having a short fuse. The couple should first take their anger to God and trust him to work things out. Perhaps a little bit of time would be good to allow dissonance from the act that created the emotion. When their hearts are in the right place, and they are preferably rested up, they can begin the reconciliation process. This does not condone couples that desire to give each other the silent treatment. Choosing to remain quiet or avoidant because of your anger is not seeking resolution, but simply displaying a passive aggressive form of anger. The most important component of resolving your anger without sinning is to take it before the Lord quickly and entrust him with the situation.

It is easy to still get stuck on being angry because someone else was clearly in the wrong. Peter encourages us to not hold tightly to the means of caring out our own sense of justice.

For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly. For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps.

(1 Peter 2:19-21 ESV)

We are not simply to endure suffering when we deserve it, but also when it is wrongly given. We can trust God to properly oversee our situations because He is the only person who can justly carry it out without sinning.

When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. (1 Peter 2:23-24 ESV)

It is not our responsibilities as individuals to carry out justice by our own means. God has placed certain authority figures and discipline policies in our society as-well-as churches to rule over injustice. It is appropriate to utilize these resources and to incorporate them when necessary. Nevertheless, this is always done not in spite toward the individual or situation, but for the overall well being of both parties.

God can use you to help direct an angry person to Himself rather than others. As you put into practice the principles we have talked about you begin a process of redirecting the angry person away from the situation and toward God. The way you respond to them in the moment of rage is critical. A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1 ESV). By keeping your cool and surrendering the situation over to God you display a new form of strength in the face of anger. You communicate that you are not afraid of the angry person nor are you afraid of what they may attempt to do to you because you have nothing to loose and you are trusting God.

For us, this path begins as we hold loosely to our desires. For example, most of us want something from the angry person – love and respect are high on that list. There is nothing wrong with wanting love and respect, but you would do best to shoot them yourself before the other person does. You will find that you won’t die. Instead, as you put to death the things that you want from the angry person, you will notice—perhaps for the first time—a hint of freedom and even boldness. When you have nothing to lose you can perform some unusual feats of strength.

Think about it. The angry person is screaming about how you are such an idiotic jerk, and if you aren’t as concerned with pleasing people or bolstering your own reputation, you can respond with something other than anger or fear. If the angry person’s pleasure or your own reputation is critical to you, you will be controlled by the angry person. So kill these before the other person shoots. The result is that there is nothing left to shoot, and you are free to speak from a place of weakness and say something like:

“Could you help me to see how I am an idiotic jerk – I will listen to you if you want to talk about it.” (Important note: NO sarcasm).

Ed Welch (2010)

A better understanding of the fear of God over that of man leads a person to be confidant in responding appropriate. No longer do I filter my actions and words because of what others think, but rather I am focused on doing all things to the glory of God (Col. 3:23). In order to do this properly we must prepare our selves for the confrontation through pray and much self-reflection.

We explored David’s Psalm and how he prepared himself before the Lord to avoid sinning in his anger. Being aware of the log in your own eye is another good principle to apply when you are confronting an angry person (Matt. 7:5).

But I also want to hate this evil in myself before I hate it in other people. How? By zeroing in on the more subtle expressions of anger, such as a critical attitude toward someone, complaining, not wanting another’s best, jealousy at the level of my imagination, any hint of “I am right and you are wrong,” sarcasm, or “whatever.” I want to keep asking my wife and at least one other person if they have seen me frustrated or angry. I want to have no wiggle room for righteous indignation. By that I mean that since ninety-nine percent of my anger is sinful, I don’t want to give tacit permission to my frustration by calling it righteous indignation. If I am angry because of what was done to another person I am on safer ground. If I am angry because of what someone did to me, I am always wrong. “Be angry and don’t sin” – forget about trying to master that one. Don’t let it authorize one blasted scrap of anger. Ed Welch (2011)

Being aware of the role anger is playing in your life as well as the reason why you are beginning to feel the need to confront some one is a good place to be. It is interesting the Welch makes the statement that it is safer to be angry of injustice done to others and always dangerous when we are angry about things done toward us. Remember self-righteous anger, at its core, is finding fault with God and is truly anger toward Him.

As believers respond to anger properly they are partaking in the sanctification process of themselves and others. God commands us to rebuke people when necessary (Luke 17:3-4), but his is always done in light of the principles already mentioned. The believer is also commanded to be willing to continually forgive the individual who is sinning against them or others. This process of managing ones anger begins to bring the beauty back into the emotion of anger. I can allow myself to be angry because of the sin that is done against God. Therefore I can respond in a God honoring way by seeking His glory and following His truth over my emotions. As we partake in the suffering of Christ we continue to experience a deeper union and power with Him (Philippians 3:10-11).

The following are a number of other principles that some one can apply to prevent them from responding in self-righteous anger. This list has been complied by Paul Tautges (2011).

Jesus, the sinless Son of God, did not sin against His disciples when He, in irritation, rebuked them. His gesture, tone of voice, or shortness of speech, though revealing His anger, did not violate the law of love which now governs us (Jn. 13:34). Therefore, I must begin to renew my mind with truths like these:

•         Love for others must triumph over my fear of them or how they will react to correction (1 Jn. 4:18).

•         Love for others will compel me to pray for them, whether friend or enemy (Mt. 5:44).

•         Love for others will cause me to react in a way that is helpful to them, not merely relieving (we often call this ‘venting’) to me (Rom. 13:10; 1 Cor. 8:1).

•         Love for others will cause me not to be easily provoked (1 Cor. 13:5).

•         Love for others will cause me to first think the best of them, not the worst (1 Cor. 13:7).

Love for others will “cover a multitude of sins” (1 Pet. 4:8) and, therefore, will stop my anger from becoming a state of irritability.

References

Estates, Steve (2009) Anger within Church Leadership. CCEF

Lane, Time & Smith, Winston (2011) Can You be Addicted To Anger. CCEF

Powlison, David (2000) Anger: Escaping the Maze. P& R Publishing

Tautges, Paul (2011) The Emotional Life of Jesus: Part Four – The Anger of Jesus. BCC

Tautges, Paul (2001) The Emotional Life of Jesus: Part five- Anger Lite. BCC

Welch, Ed (2010) How to Disarm An Angry Person. CCEF

Welch Ed (2011) The Angry Person: Always the Last To Know. CCEF

Articles and Podcast Related to the Class on Anger

Here are a few resources that contributed to the development of the class content. The blog entry should be posted tomorrow. 

Estates, Steve (2009) Anger within Church Leadership. CCEF

Lane, Time & Smith, Winston (2011) Can You be Addicted To Anger. CCEF

Tautges, Paul (2011) The Emotional Life of Jesus: Part Four – The Anger of Jesus. BCC

Tautges, Paul (2001) The Emotional Life of Jesus: Part five- Anger Lite. BCC

Welch, Ed (2010) How to Disarm An Angry Person. CCEF

Welch Ed (2011) The Angry Person: Always the Last To Know. CCEF

Depression Part 3: Finding Hope Outside Yourself

So far perspectives have played a large role in our journey to make sense out of the chaos we experience in life. The Bible is very open about suffering. Its pages are covered with the tears and blood of faithful saints that have persevered under the most strenuous circumstances. The apostle Paul would be one of these individuals. Many times it may be easy to read through the pages of Scriptures and disconnect yourself from the realities of their suffering. You may find it easy reading about Paul’s afflictions as you sit in your home, at Starbucks, or in church. Perhaps we have become soft Christians because we have suffered little in the light of some of these.

Are they servants of Christ? I am a better one—I am talking like a madman—with far greater labors, far more imprisonments, with countless beatings, and often near death. Five times I received at the hands of the Jews the forty lashes less one. Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I was adrift at sea; on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from robbers, danger from my own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers; in toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure. And, apart from other things, there is the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches. Who is weak, and I am not weak? Who is made to fall, and I am not indignant?

           

(2 Corinthians 11:23-29 ESV)

If you choose to focus on your despair and suffering and fail to look outside of yourself you run the risk of missing out on the opportunity suffering can offer. Suffering, an opportunity? I think it is safe to say that none of us have experienced suffering the way Paul did. Yet he did not allow his pain to lead to despair that would render him ineffective for Christ. What also is interesting is why he is sharing his testimony with the Corinthian church.

Paul’s ministry is under attack by the believers at Corinth. He begins to defend the ministry God has called him to in 2 Corinthians 10 and goes on to discuss his role in being the first to bring them the gospel and warns them of others brining a gospel differing from the one he shared 2 Corinthians 11:2-4. It would be easy at this point for anyone to through up his or her hands and give up on such a stubborn group of believers. Perhaps Paul could have become depressed and felt like a failure because they were attacking him. The situation is ugly and depressing, but Paul does not let that determine his response. The first thing to notice is that Paul’s response is based on his commitment to Christ and love for the souls of those in Corinth (2 Cor. 11:2).

Paul does not take their attacks personally. He is not focused on himself, nor is he going to meditate on his problems. However difficult and frustrating his situation, he does not allow it to distract him from his purpose. He looks outside of himself and focuses on God and the immature believers he loves so dearly. Because Paul is looking outside himself, he uses this opportunity as an example and lesson to teach others to not remain in their despair but to access the grace God offers to all those who suffer for His sake. 

So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

           

(2 Corinthians 12:7-10 ESV)

When Paul’s ministry and character are put into question, he does not despair, but rather points his audience to Christ. Paul’s intentions were never self-centered and therefore their attacks were ineffective. Paul was able to bear all of his persecutions because he depended upon the grace of God.  When you depend upon the grace of God, the symptoms, pain, or suffering brought on by the situation does not lesson by any stretch of the imagination. Being stoned hurts. Grace does not make that feel any better. Grace does put the pain into perspective. Paul’s suffering had a purpose and was used to glorify God. Paul found a worthy Meaning to place his suffering in which helped him bear the pain, but it did not lesson the severity of it. Paul reminds us that whatever pain you are going through you can choose to respond in a God honoring manner and trust Christ will sustain you through it.

Walking out in faith while you are depressed is not easy, but as believers we are called to do it. While others see God working in your life—despite your symptoms of depression—they will turn to God and give Him the glory because in your weaknesses, His power is made perfect. For that reason, Paul was content to experience his thorn in the flesh and the suffering he encounter because of the gospel.  Your suffering is also an opportunity to show others that God’s grace is sufficient

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 ESV

Paul wrote these passages of Scripture to aid us in our suffering. He lived this out not on pages, but in his life. Let us never forget the cost men and our Savior have willing endured for the sake of the gospel.

Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

(Hebrews 12:2 ESV)

Like Christ we are to look toward our cross with Joy and to endure the pain that has been set before us. Christ paid the cost we could never pay.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord;

           

(James 1:2-7 ESV)

Christians are comprised of emotions and we cannot always control the emotion we feel, but we can control how we respond and perceive those emotions. We must choose today that our belief and faith in the truth of God is going to govern the choices we make instead of our emotions. We will battle through this journey because the suffering on this present earth is a testing ground that will play a critical role in my spiritual development for eternity. Do not let your emotions cause you to doubt God’s truth and victory over various trials you experience. He has provided the Holy Spirit as a comforter and the church as a family of love and support. God does not expect us to suffer in isolation, but He has never promised that we would not suffer. Know this, that no matter what the cause or source of the pain you are facing today, you can turn to God. Cry out to him like the psalmist and seek His face. You will find a God who is righteous, Holy, compassionate, full of wrath, and grace who intimately knows you. God is not distant in your suffering.  

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

(Hebrews 4:15-16 ESV)